Hay Happens and Hay's Happen

Isn’t she? This kid is a whirlwind of creativity, spunk, and fun.

She’s growing up so fast. In fact, she’s enjoying being a MOM!

Yes, she bought a bouncy for Ocean and Penny. Amazing, isn’t it? She even transformed the living room into a play area.

Well, anyhoo….She’s a lot of fun. Now, guess what? We are working on our SIXTH BOOK! Stay tuned for details. Here we are planning it out.

And making funny faces.

Yes, we do enjoy our time. Even when we don’t feel our best. Coopy, thank goodness, watches the kids when this happens.

Meanwhile, we just keep breathing, being grateful, and making the best of it.

I love you sweet girl. TRULY.

Firs, I love the emotions. I love each has a name, and they all have a million details. Oh, Rio did an obstacle course while she drew. A win win.

And as usual, he didn’t disappoint. He even sang “You are my Sunshine,” on the piano.

Coopy has to go into the office whenever we play piano because he HOWLS like a coyote! It was cute at first..no not so much..oh that face.

OK, the serenade continues, and Tatum couldn’t get enough so she documented it.

I always wanted to marry a singer!

Ok, so then…it got better! He got gifts for Penny and Ocean! Hair ties and binkies. Cmon!!

Oh and these socks and bibs!! Can you even…..?

Now the best part. She LOVES LOVES Squishmellows. They are these stuffies that have so much personality. Of course she needed more to add to her bazillion collection.

Coopy not for you!!

OK, then we heard a MOOOOO in the distance.

Wow, Daddy! Just so much fun. Thank you so much!

He thought of everything! That is love…thinking about what would excite her. I love HHH’s heart. XXOO Happy LOVE DAY MY LOVE BUG!

Tatum is a busy mom of two new children. Penelope and Ocean to be exact! She has to feed them, dress them keep them on their schedules…make sure they are safe playing. It’s a daily grind, and she feels it!

She got them settled and playing this morning.

And then it was time for their feeding. They eat A LOT she is telling me.

Tatum had to cut here off after THREE granola bars!
The hardest part is getting them dressed apparently. They are quite wiggly. However, she has made a changing station in her closet. SUCCESS!

Typical day:
Tatum asks if she can have a new cropped shirt. I say yes, when I get some money and you get rid of some of your old clothes. What does she do?
SHE MAKES HER OWN! She transforms her whole wardrobe into a fashion island of cropped and designer shirts.

When she was younger, she would ask for a

iPad

iPhone

Pup Pad

Laptop

Nintendo

FOR EVERY SINGLE THING, she would realize she wasn’t getting it (immediately) and would proceed to MAKE IT! Paper, pens, scissors, VOILA! (oh and LOTS of TAPE!)

Now the latest…
Tatum asks if she can save up for a “Live” baby. They make these babies that look real. I say that is fine since they are like $50. She has to save for WEEKS!
So next thing I know, she is turning her past old babies into her real children now.

She found some old baby clothes and made her own. Next thing…she wanted some BABY CARRIERS for her baby.

Amazon? NOPE! Her closet!

Now she reads to her…

Feeds her and nurtures her! She’s on a schedule!!

The formula has to be JUUUUUUST right! A little stevia, shake, and you’ve got the perfect mix.

She plays with her and makes dominoes around her..

She even goes on outings with us!

I love how nurturing Tatum is, and I LOVE HOW SHE PRETENDS and makes it so real. She turns idle time into fun, and she turns old toys into NEW!! Everything she is playing with is from her old days of playing. I LOVE YOUR BRAIN, your CREATIVITY, and your IMAGINATION.

Thanks for going to Trader Joes with me! You brought Penelope in her carrier and it made the outing so much more fruitful.

The 4th of July…a day of celebration. I bought this beautiful bouquet to remind us to be proud of to be living in this United States of America!

Tatum decorated herself all up for the big day too.

We sang God Bless America and Proud to be An American. I hope to celebrate tomorrow since today was not a “functioning” day for me.

I’m grateful for the Veterans who fought for us.

Tatum made my day with what she wrote to me.

I love you Tatie Tot. I love you Doug Hay.

Right now, I’m sitting here on the 4th of July pondering what I’m missing. The missing tile syndrome. This, I’m aware, is a toxic mindset, but honestly, I’m finding it harder and harder each day.
Tatum is growing up. She is becoming so beautiful in every way, and I want to be MORE a part of it. Doug, my sweet husband, has not had me present in so long, and for this, I have an immense amount of guilt.

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord….”

You say this, Lord, yet I sit here again, missing out as I heal.

This process of healing has humbled me to the depths. “I cry out to the Lord ; I plead for the LORD’s mercy. I pour out my complaints before him and tell him all my troubles” (Ps 142)

This is often my day…

I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me” (Psalm 77)

All of this “CRYING OUT” makes me feel so self-absorbed. And yet, I am! I remain a detective daily trying to find out the WHY behind the symptoms. Today, it’s another day of extreme fatigue, nausea, and other digestive distresses. The other side of the guilt is how I’m not living my potential. How can I enjoy this journey and bask in HIS Love for me when I physically feel so awful?

Please forgive my venting. Oh, Tatum and Doug. I want so much more for our family than survival and just existing day to day. I don’t want to go back to bed daily and see that face on Tatum as I can’t do much of anything with her or grow my relationship with Doug. Maybe one day…just maybe soon, I’ll be released from this. Can I please have some hope? Lord give me that hope as a deer pants before water, so my soul pants for more of YOU and more of LIFE.

In the meantime, I enjoy watching Tatum

DANCE

Make MOVIES

And Coopy?
He is patiently waiting too.

Dearest Doug, I’m coming back soon. I know I’m going to be better soon. Tatum? I’m going to be the best teacher ever for you. I know God hears me.

May I in the meantime focus on the mosaic and not the tile missing. (or two)