It’s around the corner! I can’t believe I’ll be going back to work in three weeks. I signed Tatum up today at Temple Chai and found myself weeping. “We’ll send many pictures,” was what they promise but for some reason this is no consolation. How is this helping me bond with my child? “We’ll have a picture of you on the wall so Tatum can see you.” Again…not helping! “Oh this is normal…all new moms go through this.” Sheesh..stop! I am not assured that leaving my child in the hands of other people is endearing my child to ME!
Now, she will get cuddled, fed, changed, and rested…all in the hands of someone else. This is definitely reassuring. However, I’m finding that my priorities are changing and my ambition level is cooling off. Ironically, I miss work tremendously, and moreover, I miss being productive! BUT…I’m finding a disconnect in that I want both/and. Funny, are we ever just OK with the way things are? This is when I know that HE created this God shaped vacuum in my heart that NOTHING can fill but His Spirit in me. I can be a FT mom or a FT teacher…or PT both, and still, I’ll feel inadequate and guilty that I’m not doing enough.
Father, help me to not be filled with “guilt” or “fear” as I move to the next phase of motherhood and career-woman. Help me to take one day at a time and make the MOST of that day. Thank you for the blessing of little Tater Tot.
