Today, I attempted to go to church. Tatum slept soundly in her car seat as I clasped her seat to my City Jogger. Yes! I thought as I walked into the empty lobby due to me being a few minutes tardy. Quietly, I found a seat in the back and attempted to focus on the music. Tatum started to fuss; however, two minutes prior, a couple of friends stopped by to check her out. My sweet sleeping child looked so peaceful in her rest! They were so enraptured by her adorableness. Sure. They missed the next minute. Fuss Fuss Fuss…..”Mom, I’m not comfortable….Mom, I’m gassy…Mom, I’m getting hungry..” Who knows what it was!!?
My feeble attempts to force….hem…I mean place the binky between her sweet little lips was not working. I felt like a genie granting all of her wishes, and soon I began to wonder.. How much is too much? Am I supposed to answer her fusses in hopes she’ll stop making noise? Am I creating a monster? Or..am I comforting my uncomfortable child because she’s my child for crying out loud! She’s just a dependent little infant! Oooooh..the questions…ooooh the guilt. Exit door left as I hear, “Do you know we have a cry room?” So, off I go and enter a packed house. Apparently, many babies don’t like church. Fuss fuss fuss… It’s getting close to that hour of wailing, “I’m STARVING!” What was the sermon about again? My holy, Godly voice has shut up. It now says, “Get out while the girl is just fussing and not screaming.”
So I did. Hmmmph. I miss church. I still love my little cherub, but she’s got to self-soothe! Help.
Today’s devotion from Charles Spurgeon for some reason really hit home.
Last night, I entered a dark place in my heart with some anxiety and fear. Sadly, for a momentary time, I had forgotten the incredible gift which God has bestowed upon me in Jesus. He is my perfect Savior who loves me no matter what. Spurgeon puts it best: “Our blessed Jesus, as God, is omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent. Will it not console you to know that all these great and glorious attributes are altogether yours? Has he power? That power is yours to support and strengthen you, to overcome your enemies, and to preserve you even to the end. Has he love? Well, there is not a drop of love in his heart which is not yours.”
For Tatum to know that her mom is secure in her faith and foundation is my wish. Moreover, for her to experience this infinite love in Jesus trumps all of my desires.
He sums it up: “My God, I am thine–what a comfort divine! What a blessing to know that the Saviour is mine! In the heavenly Lamb thrice happy I am, And my heart it doth dance at the sound of his name.”
Isaiah 49: 8: Thus says the Lord:”In a time of favor I have answered you;in a day of salvation I have helped you;I will keep you and give you as a covenant to the people,to establish the land,to apportion the desolate heritages,
Jesus. Love, Justice…Mine. I have no
Today was one of those days when you want to tie a bow on top of a large box. This year was chock full of incredible pain and abundant blessings. The box was huge. However, hindsight is 20/20, and as I reminisce about the total package, I can see that flowers always follow a storm. Yes, it’s the ‘ol silver lining surrounds every cloud theory.
January jaded and jostled; would I survive? Yes: New friends, new writing opportunities.. and my first colonoscopy!
February: Relationship changes; new ones begin. hmmmm….Motherhood. Ponder that.
March: Moving on and forward. Classes, Studies, Cleaning and Refining. AIDA.
April: Writers unite and the Powerful Pen makes Sabrina a star.
May: Hurting hearts unable to help. Hope of new surroundings.
June, July: Renew Reflect Recharge
August 22nd: A Phone Call which changed my life.
September-October: Prepare Prepare…Prepare!
November: NCTE. Tatum is born on Thanksgiving.
December: Family. December 31st: The ink dries.
Lord, Thank you for the struggles, the challenges, and the opportunities. May I live up to the blessings you bestow upon me. Bless my family, my friends, and this amazing United States. May your will be done.
The day I brought Tatum home, I had carefully prepared Coti, so I thought. Every night before Tatum’s arrival, we had our chats about what was about to take place. Did he listen? Was he even paying attention!!? Perhaps not. I brought home one of her little hats from the hospital and placed it in his doggie bed. He tossed it around and ignored the head covering. Then the next day, I brought a blanket and strategically put it in his favorite couch spot. Maybe this would do it. Fast forward to Tatum’s homecoming. He not only growled at her but almost bit her! We immediately freaked out and shielded him from her for a few days. Then, finally we just confronted the situation head on. When I fed Tatum, I played with Coti directly following. I had to go overboard to love on my dog.
It’s five weeks later, and he adores her! The minute she cries, he looks at me saying, “Hey, mom, what are you going to do about this!?” If only he could feed her and change her diapers. Maybe I can teach him to soothe her when she cries. Now, that would be the perfect world.
Sadly, it’s not perfect yet. He is going back to BOOT CAMP with dog training. Coti has been showing signs of aggression and elusiveness. It’s only natural; however, I really miss my old dog. I know this transition will take time.
Upon my doorstep, wrapped in holiday tissue paper, was an adorable Baby Gap red sweater. My dear friend Denise gifted Tatum with this special outfit for Christmas. Although it could fit two Tatums, it sure looked cute! She even posed for me.
One month. One month and one week= FIVE WEEKS OLD. How is it possible that I have been home from work for 5 weeks and yet have not had time to blog about each morsel of moment I have experienced with Tatum? I now understand the value of time. Well, more like the value of uninterrupted time. Five minutes here and there..it’s there, but the second I start to eat, sleep, pee, write…it’s Totally Tatum Time. (TTT!)
So, my new goal? Write at least ONE thing a day. Maybe it’s a DEEEEEP thought like, “Why does the milk clump when poured in after the formula is in the bottle?” or maybe it’s “How come my eyebrow hairs grow more now that I don’t pluck every day?” No matter…I’ll write. I must.
This time is precious with Tatum. She is beginning to coo and emote in ways I have never seen! As she observes what she cannot yet focus on, she is taking it in with wonder. I am soaking in every minute. The past two weeks supercede the previous two in terms of my sanity. She no longer has colic (prayerfully!), and her gas has subsided. The type of water, gas drops, formula brand…all together have been the answer. Well, and LOTS OF PRAYER!
My TTT becomes more precious everyday. I shall write. Yes, I must.
- Tatum Isabella Knight born Thanksgiving 11/12/2012
I have been teaching 7th and 8th grade English Language Arts for about ten years now. I didn’t start out in teaching, however. Upon graduation from the University of Colorado at Boulder, I went into the corporate world and worked in sales, marketing, and then management. After doing this for about ten years, I decided I wanted to pursue my first love, and that was teaching kids. I returned to get my Masters and started teaching in West Phoenix in the public school system. At this time, I decided to continue my education and pursued my doctorate and studied critical thinking and writing! Interestingly, writing for Arizona Golf Central Magazine as the Golf Chick was no plan of mine after my education, but it has been a great use of my lack of useless golf knowledge. I find the teaching of WRITING and lately GRAMMAR to be oddly fun!
After about 8 years in the public school system, I had the exciting opportunity to come to Tesseract. This is my third year here at Tesseract, and I absolutely adore the students, staff, and families. In fact, I LOVE my job and what I get to do every day! If I can help students find an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and find the desire to succeed according to their own definitions of success, then I feel I have done my job.
My faith is extremely important to me. This strong foundation built on a relationship with God guides my life, my days, my decisions and my hopes and dreams. Everything I do must glorify God and His will. He has blessed me with a tremendous family and incredible friendships. I also love to hang out with Coti (the best dog ever). In my free time, I swim or exercise, draw, read, and write articles.
However, all this is about to look a bit different! Tatum Isabella Knight has joyfully opened my heart and danced into my life. She was born on Thanksgiving 2012 at 6pm weighing in at 5 lb 11 ozs. Being a mom has been a dream of mine since I can remember, and now I am honored to fulfill this role with humility. For the next twelve weeks, I will soak up every waking moment with Tatum, putting aside all other priorities.
Thank you, Lord.