Tomorrow, my girl starts 8th grade. I’m not quite sure how we got here so fast.

Yesterday was orientation at Veritas, and let me tell you… it was pure chaos. People everywhere. Parents trying to figure out where they were supposed to go. Kids trying to take it all in.

And probably not the ideal day for me to tackle all of that because the day before had been my colonoscopy/endoscopy adventure.

And by adventure, I mean… the prep was HORRIFIC.

There are before pictures and after pictures, and I’m pretty sure they tell the entire story. Ha. But my Jesus shirt definitely helped.

But my Tot and my wonderful HHH were absolutely amazing through all of it. They took care of me, checked on me, loved on me, and helped me get through another not-so-fun medical day.

So by orientation, I was definitely not operating at 100%.

And Tatum? Well, Tatum was overstimulated. New school. New people. Lots of noise. Lots of instructions. Lots of bodies moving everywhere. So many things to process at once.

All things were a little tough. But you know what? We powered through. She got her schedule and her locker…..and found out her house. She’s in Newton House because Veritas divides the students into different “houses,” which I think is such a fun part of the school.

And BEST OF ALL?

She has classes with a dear friend.

Thank you, Jesus.

Then she blinged her pencil because an ordinary pencil would not do.

After all the chaos, we came home, Coopy got a bath, and oh did he love it!

The birds hung out with us.

Coopy resumed his normal position of needing to be wherever his people are, and we just got to BEEEEEEE.

Sometimes home is exactly what you need after a day when your nervous system has had ENOUGH.

I got her a little goody for her first day. I heart is surrounded by wings. God is watching her and protecting her.

And now tomorrow morning, she walks into a brand-new school year.

She’s ready. And we are all trusting God with what comes next.

I am so incredibly proud of you.

Tatum decided she wanted her hair framed around her face, and we absolutely loved how it turned out. It was soft and pretty and somehow made her look even more grown up!

Afterward, she practiced her posing in the car. Filter needed according to her.

Then we came home and had even more fun just being us in our matching Paul Frank shirts. We added a ridiculous filter, took entirely too many pictures, and laughed at ourselves.

Those are some of my favorite moments with her. Nothing elaborate. Nothing planned. Just my girl and me being goofy together.

The next morning, she sent me two videos.

One said, “I will never love anyone the way I love my mum.”

The other said, “I was raised by a woman who deserved a lot more than she ever got in life.”

Oh, my heart.

There are times when I wonder what Tatum sees when she looks at me. I know she sees the days when I am tired. The days when my body will not cooperate. The days when I wish I could do more, be more and give her more.

But then she sends me something like that, and I realize she also sees the love. She sees that I am here and how deeply I love her. And I am so grateful.

This week, both of us had been sick and spent most of the day in bed. It was not exactly the kind of mother-daughter day anyone would choose, but even those days become part of our story. My wonderful HHH went out and bought Tatum some new stuffies because he always knows how to cheer her up.

Yep, That is Doug.

He pays attention. He listens to me, and he always steps in and brings comfort wherever he can, whether that means showing up with something soft and cuddly, taking care of what needs to be done or simply listening when I need him.

And then there is Coopy.

The loyal dog who is always close by, watching us with those enormous eyes and making sure no one experiences a single emotion without him.

These days are not always easy. Some of them are full of sickness, exhaustion and plans that never happen. They are also full of love. My hubby, my daughter, and my wonderful furry pup.

The birds, the dog, the girl…and the ordinary moments I never want to take for granted.

We are soaking in the birds and Coopy lately.

Tatum carries the birds back to her room and just hangs out with them.

Bluebell and Rio perch nearby, Ollie settles right onto her chest, and somehow they all become part of whatever she is doing. She watched a movie (on her ceiling) with them tucked around her like this is the most normal thing in the world.

And honestly, in our house, it is.

Coopy couldn’t understand why he couldn’t come in?

I love watching how comfortable they are with her. They trust her. They want to be near her. She is their person.

Then there is Coopy.

We try to hang with him on the couch, but he likes to be sneaky. Tatum disappears beneath a giant cushion, and there sits Coopy…trying to peek.

And Rio…

Rio cannot wait to eat.

He doesn’t politely perch beside the food. He practically dives into it. His entire little body says, MINE!!! (Poor Bluebell would have to wait).

These aren’t big, exciting days. We aren’t going anywhere spectacular or doing anything impressive.

We are simply home.

These are the moments I want to soak in…the ordinary ones that become some of the very best ones.

For now, I’m just grateful I get to watch it.

When a good health day presents itself….even just a small window, I have learned not to take it for granted.

Saturday gave us one of those windows.

Tatum and I headed out for a little girl time at the salon. Pretty toes, time together, and a chance to slow down. We decided to bring books instead of spending the whole appointment on our phones. There is already so much screen time in life, and it felt good to sit beside each other, turn real pages, and just be present.

We of course take the necessary silly selfies afterward. Face masks, dog filters, flowers…all the things. Because being silly together will always be one of my favorite ways to spend time with my girl.

Then the rest of the day was about being home and spending time with Doug. Nothing elaborate. Nothing that would look especially important from the outside. Just being together.

And honestly, that is what feels important to me now.

We make the most of the days that we can.

Cooper is always part of those days, naturally. He is never far from the action or the attention. Whether he is staring at us with those enormous eyes or positioning himself directly on top of me…literally… he makes sure he is included.

I love my family.

I love the girl time, the pretty toes, the books, the ridiculous filters, the warm moments with Doug, and the dog who believes personal space is completely unnecessary.

Most of all, I love a good day.

We take our time for granted. We assume there will always be another Saturday, another outing, another afternoon together. But life has taught me that the ordinary days are not ordinary at all.

So when the opportunity comes, we go….we do. We be together.

Amen.

Faith Still Gives Us a Place to Look

I haven’t written in weeks. Not because I ran out of words. Because hope has been harder to find.

There is an unexplainable silence that takes over a person when the next doctor’s appointment doesn’t feel like an answer but just another date on the calendar. You begin to wonder if you’re crazy, even though what you’re living is undeniably real.

You look around and realize you have everything you could have prayed for. A husband who loves you. A daughter who lights up your world. A church family. Meaningful work. Faithful friends. Little pets that somehow make every day brighter.

And somehow…that makes the grief even heavier.

Not because you’re ungrateful. Quite the opposite.

You have everything you ever wanted, yet your body won’t let you fully enjoy it. You can’t show up the way you long to. You can’t give back the way your heart wants to. That kind of grief is difficult to explain because it isn’t rooted in loss of blessings; it’s rooted in the inability to participate in them.

Sometimes I find myself wondering, Is this it?

We are taught to believe that if something is wrong, there will be a test that finds it, a diagnosis that names it, and a doctor who knows what to do next. But sometimes the people and places we turn to for answers do not have an answer key. A test may reveal one piece of the story without explaining the whole of what you are living. A diagnosis may give something a name without offering a way forward. And sometimes there is no label that fully captures what has changed inside your body.

That uncertainty can be its own kind of suffering. You know what you feel. You know your body is no longer functioning the way it once did. But there is no single result you can point to that explains it all.

Then, almost without warning, you wake up one morning and feel like yourself again. You laugh. You write. You spend time with your daughter. You enjoy talking and laughing with your husband again; you connect with friends. You dance around the kitchen. For a few precious hours, life feels wonderfully ordinary.

Then the next day…it’s all gone again.

That is the part that tears me up.

Not just the physical struggle but not knowing why. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about the word hope. We use that word so casually. I hope tomorrow is better. I hope they find an answer. I hope this season ends soon.

But hope isn’t always a feeling.

Sometimes it is. Sometimes it feels alive and so real. Other times it feels completely out of reach.

That’s when hope becomes something different.

I don’t believe we can manufacture hope. If we could, none of us would ever lose it. We’d simply decide to feel hopeful again. But that hasn’t been my experience. 

I think that’s why Scripture points us to a hope that comes from outside ourselves. A hope rooted in Christ instead of circumstances. Because there are days when I have nothing inside of me to give. No inspiration. No certainty. No emotional reserve to pull from.

Love reminds me of this.

When you first fall in love, it feels effortless, and it feels so amazing. Everything comes naturally. But every lasting marriage eventually reaches moments when love becomes less about emotion and more about decision. You choose to stay. You choose to forgive. You choose to serve. You choose to love, even when the feeling isn’t present. 

Maybe hope works the same way. It isn’t pretending everything will be okay. 

On the days when my own hope feels gone, I want to keep looking to the One who never changes. Not because I feel strong enough, but because He is.

Sometimes the best family memories are the simplest ones…the ones that happen right in the middle of the living room and Coopy absolutely convinced that every activity should revolve around him. He supervises, you see as Dad plays a round.

We played Horrible Therapist which was exactly as ridiculous as it sounds.

In each round, one person becomes the designated therapist. The therapist reads the question card, and every other player submits the answer they think would fit best as the therapist’s response. Then the therapist looks at the question and all the possible answers, chooses the funniest or most fitting one, and whoever submitted that card wins the round.

The combinations become funnier and more concerning with every turn.

“What happened at Trader Joe’s?”

“I started vomiting and couldn’t stop.”

Perfectly normal family entertainment.

When we finish, Cooper must have full body contact.

Then on Monday, Tot and I continued our game marathon while watching Monsters, Inc. Just the two of us, laughing at the cards, watching the movie, and enjoying one of those ordinary afternoons that somehow feels extra special.

Coopy, however, was struggling with the lack of attention.

While Tot and I were busy playing, he carried his beloved banana toy over by the television, dramatically tossed it up there, and then stood whining until someone rescued it for him.

A completely manufactured emergency.

His plan worked, of course.

And when he wasn’t creating a crisis, he was sitting directly in front of the television, completely captivated by the movie.

We try to liven things up with Coops getting a bath. Sometimes that brings him down a notch.

Between the games, Dad, Tot, Coopy, and our sweet birdies, the house was full of all the little personalities that make it ours.

Oh, and just to add to our lively house, outdoors, we always have life. This finch has adopted the leaf outside our kitchen. It’s never a dull moment at the HAY home.

Some of my very favorite days.

TOT has two Love Days.

The first is May 23…the day I officially adopted her when she was six months old. Of course, she had already been mine from the very beginning. I was in the birthing room. I cut her cord. I held her from day one.

My heart had chosen her long before the paperwork caught up.

But May 23 is still sacred to me. It is the day the world officially recognized what my soul already knew:

She was my daughter.

Then came July 9.

After Doug and I were married, he officially adopted her too.

Seven years ago, a dream came through for him; the chance not merely to love her, care for her, and help raise her, but to become her dad in every legal and lasting sense of the word.

So July 9 became her second Love Day.

This year, Dad celebrated her with the most perfectly Tatum gift possible: a Target gift card.

Her home away from home.

The card said, “You are one of my favorite humans on this big blue and green ball.”

“Wow. Seven years ago a dream came through for me—to adopt you! I’m so glad to be your Dad!”

There are some words that hold far more than the PENCIL (I love that he writes in pencil so he doesn’t make a perm. mistake).

That morning, I had to go to Mayo Clinic. It was one of those harder days…the kind filled with appointments, uncertainty, and the weight of a body that has demanded so much attention. The Mayo bracelet around my wrist was not exactly how I imagined beginning Love Day.

And then there was Rio, bright yellow and full of personality, showing up like a tiny beam of sunshine. That little bird has a way of brightening everything without even trying.

Maybe that is what love does too.

It does not always remove the difficult parts of the day, but it reminds us that the hard is not the whole story.

July 9th is official, but the truth is, Dad chooses her every day.

Happy Love Day, Tot.

You are one of our very favorite humans on this big blue and green ball.