Ten full days. We finally went to the doctor after the “mystery” symptoms continued. I didn’t have the luxury of fancy fingers to feel her “nodules” on her throat. Nor did I put pressure hear her eyes above her nose for her to go “OW!” The doctor has the fancy touch.
It was a long week of her not getting better! Her fever broke on Tuesday, and we would say, OK, back to school on _______. You can get your homework done tomorrow and then go back the following day. That following day never happened. She would try to come out early of her bedroom, but this is how she would communicate:
Then I’d come and say: YOU NEED…
Electrolytes
Honey
An apple squeezey
Water
I don’t know!!! AAAAAHH!!!
And the day would go on with more mystery.
Then the next day:
And more:
The SCREAMING CAPS!
Ok. That. is. it.
We are going to the DOCTOR!!
Sunday (thank GOD) they were open
Our favorite Urgent care, and you know the rest of the story.
After we left the doc, we picked up her RX at Walgreens and I immediately had her drink a protein drink with her first dose. We also loaded up on some stuffies, squeeze toys, and slime. The OTHER kind of medicine for the girl.
She seems to be better already, and I’m so grateful.
Now, if we can get her back to school tomorrow, all will be well.
Remember when you would complain about a “tummy ache” as a child?
For many women, the digestive issues that appear later in life feel like a muddled version of that discomfort but worse. In many women’s thirties and forties, foods that once caused no problems suddenly lead to bloating, gas, or unpredictable digestion. Meals that were once simple begin to feel micromanaged and “un-fun,” and the changes can seem to appear out of nowhere.
But digestive changes are rarely random. More often, they are the slow result of years of unseen pressures building in the body.
The Early Years
She had always carried stress in her stomach.
Even as a kid, when something felt overwhelming, it often showed up as a stomachache. In college, she kept a box of little pink Pepto-Bismol tablets in her drawer. A few of them usually solved the problem well enough to keep moving through the day. Her symptoms showed up almost daily, from about 3:00 to 6:00 p.m., like clockwork.
Unfortunately, as she got older, the pattern never really disappeared. She simply became better at managing it.
Her early diet looked like what many women were taught was “healthy” in the 80s and 90s: fat-free yogurt, rice cakes, bagels, cereal, frozen yogurt. Diet Coke. Lots of carbs and very little fat. Then in the 2000s, she wised up from her overdose of carbs and shifted toward processed protein bars and protein shakes often loaded with sugar alcohols and fake fiber.
Movement was constant. Long cardio sessions. Always staying active. Always staying lean.
From the outside, she looked disciplined and healthy, but her body had been quietly absorbing the cost for years.
In her twenties, she could eat almost anything. Coffee with cream counted as breakfast. Lunch happened between meetings, in the car, or in small bites of snacks throughout the day. Dinner was always late and usually large.
She was thin. Busy. A star multitasker. People admired her discipline.
Her body kept up.
Until it didn’t.
First Gut Signals
That day bloating started. Not just a little bloat, but that six-month pregnant look. This came with crampy gas and unpredictable digestion. Sometimes urgency after meals and sometimes nothing for days.
Foods she had eaten for years suddenly felt unpredictable. Nausea and brain fog crept in. Fatigue followed.
She told herself nothing had really changed.
So, she changed her diet.
This is when everything started spiraling.
The Fix Cycle
Like many thoughtful, proactive women, she began searching for answers. She visited her primary doctor which led to more doctors. She was put on meds. She tried new diets. She ran tests. She added supplements that promised gut healing, inflammation control, or microbiome repair.
Each step seemed logical. Responsible, even. But with every new strategy came more rules, more information, and more pressure on a system that was already overwhelmed.
Over time, she began to realize that her gut had not simply “broken.”
It had been responding to years of strain: From undereating, overtreating and accumulated stress.
Why This Is Happening
1. The Nervous System Was Always Involved
She rarely thought of herself as “stressed.” Her gut would often be the first to signal that something was wrong, but she rarely stopped long enough to listen. Instead, she stayed chronically busy pushing from early morning to late at night with little sleep, working out harder, and constantly pursuing the next goal. Ambition was her friend.
For years, this pace seemed normal. Productive. Even admirable.
But digestion does not function well in a state of constant urgency.
2. The Modern Fix Culture
When her symptoms began, she did what many thoughtful women do: she researched. She listened to podcasts. She read books. She tried supplements that promised the new buzzwords: gut healing, inflammation control, or microbiome repair. She eliminated foods, tested every aspect of her health, and sought out new doctors who offered new protocols, medications, and supplements.
Before long, the process itself became overwhelming.
In today’s health culture, every symptom seems to come with a protocol. But the body often needs something far simpler.
3. The Accumulation Problem
By the time she reached her late thirties and forties, another layer appeared.
Hormones began to shift. Recovery slowed. Years of a chronically busy lifestyle started to accumulate in ways she had never fully considered.
What once felt sustainable no longer did, and many women reach this stage carrying decades of accumulated strain on the body.
What Actually Helps: The Five R’s
1. Reduce Pressure
Not every symptom requires a new protocol. At some point, she stopped chasing solutions. The endless cycle of supplements, diets, and testing had only added more pressure to a system that was already overwhelmed. For the first time in years, she stepped back and allowed her body the space and time to stabilize.
2. Restore Rhythm
The body thrives on rhythm. She began eating regular meals of real food, sleeping eight hours a night, getting daily sunlight, and slowing the relentless pace she had lived with for so long. What once felt unproductive began to feel restorative.
3. Rebuild Nourishment
Eating enough again was harder than it sounded. Years of diet rules and convenience foods had disconnected her from simple nourishment. Slowly, she returned to meals built around real ingredients; foods that didn’t come from packages but from her kitchen.
4. Regulate the Nervous System
Recovery no longer meant pushing harder. It meant walking, breathing deeply, resting, and paying attention to the signals her body had been sending for years.
5. Relearn Trust
After years of operating in a constant stress response, trust between body and mind had faded. Healing required a new relationship; one built on listening rather than ignoring. Like any intimate relationship, caring for the body, respecting its limits, and allowing time for recovery slowly rebuilt that trust.
She isn’t fully there yet. But she no longer ignores the signals her body has been sending for years. What she once called dysfunction now feels more like communication.
The diagnoses helped her make sense of what was happening. But they were never the whole story.
Now she is learning to stop long enough to listen.
She came back from church camp Sunday night already feeling awful. By Monday morning the fever had arrived, and it stayed for three long days. When the fever finally eased, the nausea and stomach issues took its place. It’s been one of those weeks where the body just refuses to cooperate.
Today she stayed home again, trying to catch up on schoolwork before the last day of the quarter tomorrow. Tests, assignments, all of it waiting.
It’s been a hard few days.
Not just because she’s been sick, but because I’m not exactly at my strongest either. I wanted to be the kind of mom who effortlessly fixes everything. But this week looked different. I simply did the best I could.
We watched a lot of Downton Abbey. Both movies. And she slept ALOT.
We navigated high fevers, empty stomachs, and the frustrating cycle of trying to eat and not being able to keep food down. On Wednesday she broke down crying.
“I HATE being sick!”
Of all people, I understand.
When you’re sick long enough, the emotions come in waves. First you get angry. Then you get sad. Then you get mad again. It’s exhausting, and it feels unfair.
I didn’t try to fix it.
I just sat with her in it.
Because sometimes the best thing a mom can do is simply understand the feeling.
I love that girl so much. Watching her suffer hurts in a way that’s hard to describe. If I could take it from her, I would in a second.
She isn’t alone.
Not for a second.
So I sing to Ollie. I stare at Coopy as he looks at us from below (please let me come up there!!)
For a long time, I carried a very specific picture of what a miracle would be. I would wake up one morning and be 100% better. No symptoms. No debilitating fatigue. No gut shutdown. Just normal.
But what is “better,” really? What does healing actually mean?
Let’s imagine that God answered my prayers exactly as I had scripted them. Imagine He erased my symptoms overnight.
Would my eating patterns have changed? Would my pace have slowed? Would my performance identity have loosened its grip? Would I be as intimately close to my immediate family? Would my nervous system have learned safety? Would I have stopped outsourcing my belief to the next fix?
If I’m honest… probably not.
Relief would have come. But transformation? I’m not so sure.
Because lasting change isn’t built in an instant. It’s formed slowly, through repetition, humility, adjustment, and surrender.
Slow healing transforms.
Joy vs. Happiness
James 1:2 says, “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds.”
We read that verse and nod, assuming joy must be the emotional byproduct of a hard season; as if we are supposed to feel cheerful in the middle of suffering.
But that’s not what joy is.
Joy is not pretending. It’s not smiling while you feel like death.
Joy is trust…that this time is not wasted. It’s stability anchored under pressure. It’s the refusal to interpret pain as abandonment.
Happiness is circumstantial. It’s that high on the rollercoaster of emotions.
Joy is different. Joy is a steady confidence that God is still good, even when we shake our fists and say, “This isn’t fair.”
You can have disappointment and joy. You can have symptoms and joy. You can have fatigue and joy.
Just like real love isn’t merely a feeling, joy isn’t either. It’s a paradigm. A faith in something larger than ourselves, knowing this story is not meaningless, and it is not just about us.
Becoming Wholly Grounded
We talk a lot about being “holistic”: mind and body. But when I think about true healing, I think w-holistically.
Body. Nervous system. Identity. Pace. Relationship with food. Relationship with control. Relationship with God.
If only one layer heals, it isn’t real healing.
Because symptoms can disappear while fear remains. Energy can return while pace stays unsustainable. Relief can come while identity is still performance-driven.
That kind of healing doesn’t last.
Real healing integrates every layer.
This Is Actually Good News
I still resist that idea sometimes. Slow healing can feel like being stuck behind a slow car while everyone else speeds past. It feels endless. It feels unfair. Is this my life?
But if healing must be slow, then you are not behind.
You are not failing. You are not missing the magic protocol. You are not doing it wrong. You are in process.
And slow healing means something important:
You don’t have to panic. You don’t have to chase. You don’t have to collapse when a day goes wrong.
You are building a foundation that cannot be shaken.
There are certain phrases in education that sound impressive (and yes, we love our acronyms) until you say them outside of education. Then suddenly, you’re met with blank stares and polite nods as people quietly tune you out.
I’ve used the term student agency often, assuming everyone understands it. Yet when asked to explain it, I’ve found myself offering a multitude of definitions: students “taking ownership,” “having voice and choice,” or “actively participating instead of having school done to them.” Each explanation sounds fine but doesn’t truly get to the core.
When I began asking, What is student agency, really? I quickly realized that definitions vary widely. To clarify, I like to go back to the beginning. Drawing on Bandura’s (2006) work on human agency and Zimmerman’s (2002) model of self-regulated learning, student agency can be understood as the capacity to set meaningful goals, take strategic action, reflect on progress, and believe in one’s ability to influence outcomes.
Still, not clear, so let’s ground it. Student agency means students do not just complete assigned tasks; they set goals, take ownership of their progress, learn from mistakes, and trust that their effort matters. In other words, they stop being passengers in their education and start becoming drivers.
Currently, student agency is starting to nosedive. Not because students “care less,” but because many classrooms have unintentionally done too much of the thinking for them. Agency will not return through more support, tighter rules, or louder encouragement. It returns when students are trusted with real decisions, real responsibility, and real higher order thinking. That is what this article will explore.
Crisis in the Classrooms
Sure, students are showing up, completing tasks and following directions. Yet something seems to be missing. If asked to initiate or make meaningful decisions about their learning, they seem paralyzed. This isn’t a “kids these days” problem. It grows out of well-intentioned efforts to scaffold, guide, and support students (especially to reduce failure!) so that they have fewer chances to practice making decisions and owning their learning. This is where independence and ownership are built.
What does the research say? Student-reported data reinforces this showing that many middle and high school students feel “bored and perceive little control” over their learning conditions closely tied to diminished ownership and readiness (James & Frome, 2025). Moreover, there has been a shift toward passive compliance when instructional systems prioritize efficiency and guidance over student decision-making (Ng, 2024). From the outside, it can appear that students are succeeding since assignments are submitted, objectives are met, and behavior is managed. As Ng (2024) notes, students may appear engaged while remaining dependent on external direction, highlighting why participation alone is not a reliable indicator of agency. But, remember, performance is not the same as agency. All is not lost, however! We can intentionally design learning environments that return responsibility, trust and meaningful challenge to students.
Why Agency Is Slipping (Without Blaming Students or Teachers)
The intentions are pure. Many modern classrooms have increased support in ways that improve task completion but can gradually diminish independence. Like water warming slowly, the shift happens so incrementally that it is easy not to notice until autonomy has quietly faded.
Here are some of the ways this shift shows up (all well-intentioned, but not always helpful for building independence):
Constant reminders and step-by-step directions replace planning and self-monitoring.
Success becomes about getting the “right answer” instead of working through mistakes and improving along the way.
Fear of making mistakes or earning a lower grade discourages risk-taking.
Students don’t get enough chances to make mistakes, learn from them, and try again.
I see this play out in my own daughter’s classroom. She receives a grade on her math test, but she has no opportunity to revisit the problems she missed or demonstrate growth. The grade becomes the endpoint rather than part of a learning process.
None of these practices are harmful by themselves. In fact, most were implemented to increase equity and ironically help students succeed. But when decision-making and that “productive” struggle are repeatedly removed from the learning process, students have fewer opportunities to practice initiating, pushing through, and regulating their own progress.
Research reinforces this pattern. When learning environments minimize opportunities for independent decision-making, students become less confident initiating and persisting on their own even when motivation is present (Ng, 2024).
Similarly, an AVID Center (2026) analysis notes that when classroom systems prioritize compliance and adult control, students may internalize the belief that learning is something done to them rather than driven by them.
The same research emphasizes that when teachers intentionally adjust structures, language, and expectations, students begin to emerge as decision-makers capable of taking ownership and being persistent. This is great news.
Practical Solutions: What Rebuilding Student Agency Can Look Like
Not just in my classroom thinking, but I see this most clearly in my parenting. When I give my daughter structured choices, two or three options…not an overwhelming menu, something shifts. When I allow her room to decide within clear parameters, and when I speak confidence into her, telling her she is capable, she rises to it. She takes ownership. She persists longer. She believes she can figure things out.
Research across practitioner and education discussions converges on a consistent thought: agency grows when responsibility is intentionally transferred through design (Ng, 2024; Marshall, 2022). Taken together, rebuilding student agency can be understood through five opportunities, and what I call the 5 R’s of Rebuilding Agency.
Practical Solutions: The 5 R’s of Rebuilding Agency
Room to Decide: Structured choices (not unlimited freedom) where students practice real decision-making but with clear parameters. Research consistently emphasizes that agency develops when students participate in real decisions about how, what, or how deeply they learn (Ng, 2024; Pearson, 2023).
Classroom Example:
Instead of assigning one format for a final product, offer three clear options and try to give an example of each for clarity. For example (with same learning objective): a written product, a visual model, or a recorded explanation.
Provide two problem-solving pathways in math and allow students to choose which strategy to attempt first. Then they would provide a short reflection statement on why it worked or didn’t.
Reasoning Out Loud: Students need opportunities to publicly justify, explain, and defend their thinking. Pearson (2023) highlights the importance of students sharing opinions, asking questions, and articulating perspectives. When students process out loud, they are thinking and out their ideas. (Then they are ready to write more clearly, and when your writing is clear, your thinking is clear).
Classroom Example:
Replace “What’s the answer?” with TAG: “Tell answer, Add reason, Give how.”
Build in “Think pair shares” daily to allow processing with a partner and then writing out their thoughts on paper. This way students explain their reasoning publicly before writing their final answers.
Use sentence starters like: “I disagree because…” or “I approached it by…”; When students justify ideas, they move from compliance to clarity of thought.
Risk and Recover: Allow revision and learning from mistakes without permanent penalty. Marshall (2022) and Ng (2024) both stress that agency cannot grow when uncertainty and iteration are removed. Students must have space to try, adjust, and try again. Risk-taking disappears when students are not allowed to productively struggle in the trial and error process.
Classroom Example:
Allow test corrections for partial credit but require students to explain what they misunderstood. (a short reflection paragraph)
Require “Draft–Feedback–Revision” in the writing process. If students see writing as a process rather than a single graded event, they’ll risk mistakes and revise to strengthen.
Reflect and Reset: Research shows that students build ownership when they set goals, monitor progress, and reflect on outcomes (Ng, 2024). AVID practitioners note that asking students to explain their choices and reflect on outcomes is a key lever for shifting beliefs about learning—from passive completion to active ownership (AVID Center, 2026). Reflection should be built into the routine after every assignment. This allows ownership and self-progress monitoring and transforms activity into growth.
Classroom Example:
End lessons with a quick reflection: “What strategy worked for you today?” or an exit ticket: “If you had five more minutes, what would you improve?”
Have students set a weekly learning goal and revisit it on Friday.
Reinforce Belief: Encouragement is important, but alone, it is insufficient. Students need to believe that their effort and hard work lead to change and growth.
Classroom Example:
Instead of saying, “Let me show you,” ask, “What do you see happening next?”
Instead of “Good job,” say, “You stuck with it although it was hard!”
Make challenges part of the day: “This is supposed to be hard, and that is ok!”
How GCU’s College of Education Supports Agency
GCU’s College of Education supports current and future educators in building confident, independent learners through preparation that connects research, practice and real classrooms:
Clinical practice and field experiences: Candidates complete practicum/field experience, student teaching and internships supported through GCU’s Office of Clinical Practice and clinical requirements systems.
Teacher preparation pathways: COE programs include field experience, exam preparation and student teaching as part of the learning journey—helping teacher candidates practice instructional decisions that promote student ownership.
Professional development support: GCU’s education support offerings include professional development resources (e.g., Canyon Professional Development) that can strengthen instructional practices aligned with student engagement and ownership.
Skill-building through advanced study: Graduate programs emphasize evidence-based instruction, differentiation and assessment—key levers for designing agency-rich learning environments.
Degree Programs That Align With Building Student Agency
M.A. in Curriculum and Instruction
M.Ed. in Educational Leadership
M.A. in Reading Education (K–12)
M.Ed. in Special Education
Agency Is Built, Not Assumed
Student agency has quietly eroded unintentionally as responsibility and student decision-making have been outsourced to the teacher. This article has shown that it can and should be rebuilt but with intentional strategies.
When students are given room to decide, opportunities to reason out loud, space to risk and recover, time to reflect and reset, and reinforcement of belief in their effort, something happens. Students begin to see themselves not as recipients of instruction, but as participants in learning. They begin to trust that their thinking matters.
References
AVID Center. (2026, January 20). Student agency in action: Understanding beliefs to unlock potential.https://www.avid.org
We all stood for minutes clapping and cheering as he stood to preach.
A tear would form in my eye. Seriously.
For me, it was a slow admiration. When he first arrived to SBC 17 years ago, I was less than pumped. I was used to Darryl DelHousaye and his phenomenal preaching (plus his extra large heart and love for people). But, Jamie Rasmussen grew on me. As a family we would sit directly in front just to hear every word. He was not only growing on me, his words would become something I would crave weekly. Our church grew tremendously in these last few years because of his leadership and vision.
Every message he would preach would center around ONE THEME:
Grace.
Yes, Grace.
No ego. No haughtiness. No piety. No holier than thou.
Just Grace.
Wow, do we all need to hear this. Why? Well, that is what his last message was all about.
Three simple points:
1. Life is not fair.
This is truly why God sent Jesus. Grace and mercy abounds. Think of the prodigal son and his “perfect” older brother. This older brother would mouth these words..THAT IS NOT FAIR! I’ve done EVERYTHING right and you reward HIM?? God’s grace and mercy ERASE fairness. God says, “You deserve what you get, but guess what? I overlook ALL OF IT.” Ergo, Jesus. He is our ticket to grace, mercy, and eternal life (and I’ll add PEACE).
2. You are not entitled.
When we expect God’s blessings because we’ve done it all perfectly (read our Bibles, been on time, had a good job, been a good mom or dad, gone to church weekly…blah blah blah..), we (not stating it out loud) BELIEVE and FEEL we DESERVE all HIS blessings, RIGHT!!? If we did live this way, guess what happens, you become an angry, discouraged, resentful human. I don’t “deserve” anything EXCEPT God’s ONE promise. “I will never leave you nor forsake you/ I will BE WITH YOU till the end of the age.” DONE. (it was done through Jesus). Ah, now that is peace. And that leads to point 3.
3. The Father Loves you Anyway.
In Luke 15: 31-32 “My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. 32 But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’” And then it ends. Takeaway? Being FOUND is what matters. STAY near HIM and HE will stay NEAR to you. If you have your fists in the air and your arms crossed pouting because you haven’t gotten your way (sounds too familiar I’m afraid), then you are going to live a life (of) hell..(figuratively). But, turn to Him and let HIM love you with open arms, and you will have (not an easy life), but a life filled with PEACE in the midst of the storms.
I couldn’t have received a better message for Jamie’s last dance. It truly hit home for me especially.
Grace is not a transaction. It’s a gift.
And in these past few years through health struggles, disappointment, rebuilding, slowing down, I’ve had to let go of entitlement in ways I didn’t even know were there.
I’ve had to unclench my fists.
I’ve had to stop measuring my faithfulness by outcomes.
I’ve had to let the Father love me anyway.
Grace.
In a world that screams fairness, comparison, hustle, and earning, grace still stands.
And maybe that is what we crave most.
Not a fair life. Not an entitled one. But a life rooted in the steady, undeserved, unwavering love of the Father.
I’ll miss you, Jamie. Thank goodness you will still be a PAL! (Pastor-At Large) (HA!…they gave him a new title as not to lose him completely).
